


Letting her Know

by krizue



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: F/M, Recovery, Ruzek is there for her, Self Image Issues, What happens after the shooting, self doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-29
Updated: 2015-05-31
Packaged: 2018-04-01 19:03:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4031164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krizue/pseuds/krizue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Burgess deals with the aftermath of her being shot and Adam is with her every step of the way.</p>
<p>Kim knows she has been acting somewhat cold and distant, she knows Adam notices it and is impatient to ask her the reason of the ever growing distance between them. She knows being shot wasn’t her fault and she understands he doesn’t care about the new scars, but she feels weird and uncomfortable in her own skin… She can’t seem to find herself in the person that looks back at her in the mirror.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello There! It's been a long time since I wrote anything, but I thought this couple needed more stories written so I decided to give it a try. 
> 
> This is my first time posting here, and writing about this fandom.
> 
> I hope you guys like it, and I appreciate all the costructive criticism you can give me.

 

 

[Burgess In The Mirror Clip](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBA0rF84Kcs)

Kim knows she has been acting somewhat cold and distant, she knows Adam notices it and is impatient to ask her the reason of the ever growing distance between them; but she can’t seem to stop acting like that. She knows being shot wasn’t her fault and she _understands_ he doesn’t care about the new scars, but she feels weird and uncomfortable in her own skin… She can’t seem to find herself in the person that looks back at her in the mirror.

Her eyes never looked so dull, she never saw herself as scary or weak. But now she can’t reconcile the girl that looks small and meek with bruises on her cheek and an arm she can’t move quite right, she hates having to take pills for the pain, they make her feel sleepy, but knows that if she doesn’t she will get grumpy and will end up fighting with Ruzek when he tells her something about taking care.

And now she wants to cry, he’s been behaving so amazingly with her, so caring and sweet and she has been acting… kind of bitchy. She wants to be close to him, she really does but something inside her keeps her form reaching him. Dread fills her when he gets too close to her scars; when he kisses her neck and her shoulder she wonders if the difference between the smooth skin and the rough scar tissue bothers him, and she can’t help to compare herself to the pictures she saw on his phone all that time ago of his sexy fiancée… she definitely doesn’t feel sexy or attractive. But he wants her, she can feel it in the way he hugs her, and holds her close, in how every time he walks through the door after a long shift he kisses hard, leaving her breathless and she sees the hurt in his eyes every time she pushes him away when things start to escalate.

That’s why today she is willing to try to get past it. It’s early morning and he is still asleep, she gets up and goes to the kitchen to make breakfast, she doesn’t go to the bathroom avoiding mirrors and anything that could ruin her good mood.

When he wakes up, he finds it weird she is not in bed and goes after the faint sounds in the kitchen. What he sees makes him smile, it’s been too long since she looked happy and at peace. She is smiling faintly, her cheeks are flushed a rosy red, she still has bed-head, and her face looks flawless in the sunlight that filters through the window. She looked stunning.

"What is it?" she asked. She reached up and smoothed her hair and then looked down at her pajamas and then starts to laugh. She tilts her head back, exposing her throat and her laughter echoes through the walls.

Adam could only stare. He can’t believe the vision in front of him.

"Oh, I'm a mess!" she snickers. "I know I look terrible Adam, you don't have to gawk at me that way!" she teases him. "I can't believe I didn't even think about fixing my hair!" She reaches up to smooth her disheveled hair.

Adam grabs her hands in his. "Don't," he said quietly. "Don't. You're perfect."

She stares up at him, her eyes wide and astounded. That morning they share breakfast in silence without the oppressive atmosphere that was a constant in the last few days. He leaves the apartment with a smile on his face and she feels good all day long knowing she was the one to put it there.

At night Adam arrives again with a smile and a lovely expression on his face that Kim could only interpret as hopefulness, and she swears to herself that she is going to act like normal Kim, the one he fell for.

 They cook dinner together (something simple like pasta) and talk about Adam’s day and the new case intelligence has. They laugh of Roman’s complains of his temp partner while they wash the dishes… it’s all very domestic and they are both glad they are regaining some sense of normalcy; they are very close and Adam can’t help but stare into her eyes, he smiles and reaches to put some hair behind her ear.

When his gentle fingers softly brush against her skin, unexpected tears begin to burn in Kim’s eyes. She stares up at him, swallowing hard against the lump in her throat.

"Are you crying?" Adam was confused when one hot tear escaped and trailed down his girlfriend’s cheek. He swiped his thumb over it, wiping it away. "What's wrong?" He asks concerned.

"Nothing," she bowed her head and ran her hands over her face. She tried to move away, but he held her in place.

"Kim," he said quietly. "Why are you crying?"

She looked up into his face, nearly blinded by tears. Her shoulders moved up and down in a pitiful little shrug. "I just love you," she whispered unsteadily.

His worried eyes lightened a little. "I love you too," he doesn’t understand why she was crying, although he was relieved to hear those words form her,  it had been a long time coming, if fact this is just the third time she said the words, sure she answers _you too_ when he tells her, but hearing the words is amazing. Suddenly she was looking at him with pain and a little bit of anger; he runs a hand over her hair before taking a step back.

"No, I …You don’t get it!" she yelled fiercely. Furious, pent-up tears flooded her cheeks and for a moment, she couldn't find her voice. "I know I have been acting weird, but I can’t help it" she said again when she could manage it. "I really love you! But I don’t know how to… I can‘t look myself at the mirror, and then you… I just can’t …don’t know …." Her voice trailed away to nothing and she stood, tightly hugging herself, looking down at her feet as she sniffled and hiccupped on shaky sobs.

Adam stood there watching as the woman she loved broke down, the last thing he wanted was to see her in pain, but he knew this was necessary, she was finally letting go some of the things she kept close to her heart and were weighting her down.

"I'm sorry. I don’t know what came over me, I’m going to …" Kim mumbled, trying to move past him.

He gripped her upper arms in his hands and pressed her up against the counter. Slowly, softly, he touched his lips to her forehead, her cheeks, and then her lips.

That gentle kiss shocked them both "Kim" Adam sighed her name against her mouth. He felt her lips part beneath his, inviting him to give her more.

She whimpers when their tongues met in an eager greeting. She grabs fistfuls of his shirt in her hands as he puts his arms around her hips, pulling her against his body. And Kim just forgets about everything, the only important thing is the feel of him against her.

He groans as she was traces wet kisses down his neck. When she bits the juncture of his shoulder all thought of going slow disappears form his mind and he lifts her off her feet, impatiently capturing her lips again as he staggers walking backwards, intent on getting to the bedroom as quickly as possible. In his haste however, he bumps against the island counter and sends a bowl crashing to the floor.

They both jolt at the loud clang. Gaping at each other open-mouthed “You okay?" he asked breathlessly.

Kim, who was still tangled around him, nods. "Could you put me down though?"

"Oh, sure. Sorry." He flashes a bright-eyed smile at her. Because this is so much like them, to get so involved in their passion that they forget their surroundings, so he takes her hand and thread his fingers through hers. Waiting patiently for her, but she hastily pulls away, red-faced.

"Oh, I'm such a mess." She tries to sound light-hearted, but instead she soundes nervous and embarrassed. Rubbing her hands over her cheeks, she sprints out of the kitchen. She felt like herself for a second, free and happy with him, but everything came crashing down the minute they stopped, he was looking her with such desire and she couldn’t help but feel that as soon as their clothes were off he would be repulsed by the scars… which was just plain dumb, after all he had cleaned and changed her bandages every day.

Adam hears the slam of the bathroom door and slids down the wall until he hits the floor. He sits, knees drawn up to his chest, extremely confused as he tries to slow his thundering heart and understand what is happening through her mind.

Later that night, when they are both in bed he tries to pull her close to him. "Don't Adam," she says curtly when he wraps his arm around her. She is facing away from him.

"Are you okay?" he asks after a moment's silence.

"I'm fine."

He blinks the darkness, totally bewildered. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, Adam!" she exclaims. Then, sighing, she asks, "Please go to sleep, all right?"

"Well, I want to make sure you're warm enough-," he tried.

"I'm warm enough," she snapped.

"Kim, I can feel you shivering!"

"I'll be fine! Don't touch me!" she shouts back at him.

"All right, do you want to tell me what I did? Because I'm a little lost right now!" he demands.

She sighs again. "You didn't do anything. Please just go to sleep."

"I won't until you tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong and that's the last thing I'll say about this. I'm going to sleep now, so goodnight."

"No, there is something wrong. I know you. Tell me what it is."

Ruzek exhales in defeat. "Fine," he mumbles, turning his back to her. "I love you" he says over his shoulder.

"I love you too." When she spoke, he could hear the smile in her voice. That was something at least.

He lets out another long breath and tries to get comfortable. He was nervous, it had been around 15 days since she was released from the hospital, and he hoped that by now she knew he was there for her, that he wouldn’t leave her to deal with the anxiety and pain alone, but things apparently were falling through the cracks, she runs hot and cold all the time, and he is clueless on how to act around her. He wanted her to know that he wanted her, especially now that he realized she was upset about her scars (how could she think he would be bothered by them?) but wanted to respect her space and not push her.

Adam was tiptoeing around her lately, not wanting to upset her in any way, but perhaps what she needed was not delicately handling, perhaps she did need a push. She needed to _know_ without a doubt that he loved her, wanted and desired her just as she was… scars or not.

Maybe he needed to spell it out for her. Show her in a way that left no doubt.

 


	2. Finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her skin is soft beneath his hands, even with the bandages and the new acquired scars. It makes her even more beautiful, they show how strong and resilient she is, and he can’t understand how she can think that they are ugly-, for him the scars are a manifestation of her being here with him, of survival and strength, of days past and new moments to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is a continuation of sorts... I hope you guys enjoy it

Ruzek wakes up early the next morning and as he lays in bed staring into the darkness, he replays that spectacular kiss over and over again in his mind. The fact that she felt like _her_ , that she was willing to loose herself in the feeling of them together told Adam that things were finally starting to look up.

Beside him, Kim mumbles something; he smiles and moves closer to her. Wrapping his arms around her, he nestles his chin against her shoulder and listens to her steady breathing. He kisses behind her ear and her cheek over and over again and interlaces his fingers with hers on her stomach. The realization he had the night before comes rushing back, he was going to make sure she understood that he loved her, and that the scars didn’t bother him, in fact he kinda’ liked them. They showed how strong his girl was, she was a total _badass._

“I love you” he whispered trying to rouse her form her sleep “sweetheart wake up” he was propped up on his elbow looking down at her “Kim, Come on”. She pressed herself closer to him and he smiled at her unconscious action. “Burgess, wake up” he nipped at her ear lobe.

“Uhmm, five more minutes” she answered sleepily twining her legs with his.

Quiet, intimate moments like this were few and not as often as he would’ve liked; the necessity to keep their relationship under wraps, the late nights the cases on intelligence caused and the fact that they both had their own apartments didn’t allow them to spend as much time together as they would’ve liked so Adam appreciated every second she had with her. He liked to kiss her forehead after a long day of work, and hold her hand in the kitchen while they waited their microwave dinner to heat. He loved to watch her eyes light up when she told him about some crazy anecdote on the street – honestly there were like 50 cats in that apartment- and definitely loved when she massaged his back or ran her fingers through his hair… And then she was shot, and his heart stopped for a second, the things he thought he knew changed and the world around him shifted on its axis.

In the aftermath of _that_ the last thing on Adam’s mind was sex, ok, perhaps not the last one, but it was pretty down on his priorities. The top one was to make sure she was ok, so he practically moved into her apartment, even when his was bigger and far more comfortable. She was withdrawn, quiet and looked kind of lost at moments, so he wanted to be with her every possible moment, buying food in her favorite deli and bringing it to her at any given moment of the day (Olinsky laughed at him), cleaning her wound and changing the bandages and being available for her every single second of every day. It may sound overwhelming, but the fear of losing her was too big to even consider spending too long without seeing her or at least talking to her. 

And now that she was pretty far along in her process of recovery (physical at least) he couldn’t help but miss her physical closeness, he was happy with the cuddling and talking, but now he needed reassurance that she was indeed _alive_ that his beautiful strong Kim was still in there, that the brightness in her eyes could be brought back, and that life could go back to what it was before. And after last night he realized he wasn’t the only one who needed reassurance. She was in a pretty bad place, confused and scared.

He needed to _show_ her his love, sure, he was around all the time but bringing her food has something that anyone else could do, she needed to see herself through his eyes, to feel the burning in his veins when he hold her close, how breathless she made him in the simplest clothes… they both needed to be together once again.

He continued kissing her neck and ear whispering sweet nothings hoping that this time she wouldn’t push him away, so when she pushed back and nestled her backside into his hips all he could do was moan. His hand slips beneath her shirt and caresses her warmth and when she shivers and wiggles her hips he moves his hand higher up her torso.

It had been a while since he got to be this close to her, her skin against his (even when they are still are dressed) her sighs and moans close to his ear… He loved to hear the sounds his actions evoked in her, specially her sharp intake of breath as his tongue slides down her neck.

Her skin is soft beneath his hands, even with the bandages and the new acquired scars. It makes her even more beautiful, they show how strong and resilient she is, and he can’t understand how she can think that they are ugly-, for him the scars are a manifestation of her being here with him, of survival and strength, of days past and new moments to come.

His body covers hers and she sighs, long and loud, the sound music to him. He knows that he’ll never tire of this feeling, of, her body soft and yielding beneath him, her curves subtle and smooth. His hands travel along her skin, following a path they have traveled many times before, her eyes shining brightly as he lightly traces the flare of her hips, the curve of her stomach, the length of her thighs..

She shivers beneath his hands, a ragged breath slipping between her parted lips and he moves his lips across hers, letting her know without words how precious she is to him.

“Morning” she mumbles, her voice rough form sleep. He smiles wide.

He can barely remember a time without her, before she shook the very foundation of his life. He used to think that Wendy was it, but now knowing Kim and the depth of his feelings and what he was willing to do for her he realized that Wendy was not the one for him. That whatever he felt for his ex-fiancée was more about being used to having her at his side than real feeling, he couldn’t imagine spending so much time with her, he couldn’t imagine _waiting_ so much for her, being so excited to sneak a kiss in their work place and being happy just by holding her hand. No, definitely his feelings for Wendy were not even comparable to those he had for Kim. Bold, strong, opinionated Burgess. 

Her brown eyes glisten, hooded beneath heavy lids as he moves his hand to trace the line of her jaw, the silkiness of her cheek, the plumpness of her lips.

Her hips bump his, nestling him further into the cradle of her and his pulse quickens, she moves her hands down his back in quick strokes, her fingers knowing exactly which spots to touch, the points that make his hips buck against hers.

She is driving him wild in a way no one else did, and he imagines what is going to happen in the next few minutes, images of their bodies entwined, taking her fast and hard, tasting her completely, feeling her body tremble for his.

It takes her legs moving to wrap around his waist, her hands pulling him urgently against her to realize that his daydream could be truth here and now.

Adam moves his mouth to her ear, whispering hot words, words proven to drive her wild, words of love and desire and she all but purrs against him. She licks at his neck, biting quickly at his jaw and his hands tighten on her biceps.

He gets lost in the dance, the rhythm of their bodies together and he turns her over, she is now straddling him, because as much as he wants her and would like to make her scream his name in that exact moment, he knows that she needs to have control, to be sure of everything that is happening between them.

She moves against him once, twice, bringing their hips closer together creating an unbearable friction, their lower halves separated only by the thin cotton of his boxers and her shorts. Her hands move over the strong planes of his chest and stomach, her fingers lingering as they slide over him and he has to fight back the urge to pin her and press her into the bed beneath his body.

She bends at the waist to surround him, her hair a veil that shields them from the rest of the world, her body warm against his.

She tilts her head down to bring her lips across his biting the bottom one, the moan escaping before he can smother it. She smiles, her lips stretching slowly to show a dazzling grin that is answered by him.

And how right this feels, them together without the world interfering.

Adam feels her pull back, moving slightly out of his grasp, and he sees the excitement flash in her eyes. She wants him to follow, to chase, and he goes willingly, sitting up to press his chest to hers. She giggles; that low throaty sound she makes when her body is in tune to his, and the feeling of her on top of him, enjoying herself in one that fills Adam with warmth.

The straps of her top fall off her shoulders and his fingers move to push the cotton down further, her skin soft and flushed at the touch of his hand. She tremors slightly beneath his palms and he can’t help smirking at the haze that fills her eyes. Once his lips reach the scar on her shoulder, her whole body goes still. Nervousness and dread fill her and Adam knows this is the moment to tell her, to show her and make her understand.

“I love you” he whispers against her shoulder tickling her skin his stubble, “you are the most” he kisses and nips her shoulder “strong and amazing” he continues trailing kisses down to her elbow and up once again “woman I’ve ever met”. He kisses her jaw, her cheek and pulls away a little holding her face between his hands and looks directly in her eyes.

She closes her lids and he sighs “Sweetheart, look at me” he kisses the tip of her nose “Kim” she slowly opens her eyes and he can see the tears glistening ready to fall “Burgess, you are everything for me, I don’t know if you understand how worried I was the night you were shot” his voice breaks on the last word “How lost I felt” she pecks her lips “How I wished I told you before how important you are to me” Now the tears are flowing down her cheeks but she has a little smile on her lips, so he figures he is doing something right.

“I don’t care about a few scars” she huffs “it’s a hazard of the job, I respect who you are, what you do for a living, and this” he says touching the markings on her arm “are gorgeous, just like you” he looks at him with incredulity, he laughs “they are! This is the prove of your strength and courage, this shows that you are real, that you are here with me”

“Oh, Adam I just… I don’t know what is wrong with me”

“Nothing is wrong, you are in pain, and I’m here to deal with it with you” she smiles and raises one of her hands to dry the tears on her cheeks and the other curls around one of his. Adam pulls her down to taste the skin of her neck, nipping lightly down to her breasts. She murmurs his name lowly, the timber rough with pleasure and his body flexes.

And the way she is looking at him now, the love shinning in her eyes is enough to drive him to action again, and soon after they are both naked. Adam crashes his lips against hers and loses himself in the feel of her.

Both are lost in each other, heated moments of sliding flesh and barely restrained pleasure. She is everywhere, surrounding him, and all conscious thought is lost the pleasure of their bodies.

There is no room for pain, or doubts every word gets lost in the hot air between their bodies and all either of them can see, smell and feel is them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you thought

**Author's Note:**

> So? how was it?  
> I was not entirely sure on how to write them... I just hope this worked.
> 
> I'm working on a little follow up of this, them patching up things and working toward being the awesome couple on the season 2 finale.


End file.
